Life is constant cycle of highs and lows. Some days it's easy to feel on top of the world, like everything is going perfectly as planned- that sense of thriving. Other days are hard. They can include gut wrenching pain, the numb feeling of loneliness, or the anxiously waiting on answers that feel like they may never come.
I think a lot of the pain in life comes from things not going as planned. Whether it is a tragic unexpected loss or the dull feeling of being stuck in a season of waiting, these disruptions to what we are wanting and searching for can cause the most doubt.
Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse I reference a lot-"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." While this verse usually brings comfort, it honestly makes me angry sometimes. It's easy to read it and think to myself "So if You have a plan and you say it's good, why is this happening to me?". It can cause spiraling and doubt because I'm not getting what I want-whether it is a "small" thing or an unexpected tragedy, it's not how I wanted my life to look.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
While the Bible continuously tells us His plans are good and for us, it also repeatedly tells us to trust. This verse is literally telling us we cannot trust our own understanding. Think about it- if Jeremiah 29:11 meant that every day would be great and we would get everything that we wanted, why would there be so many verses on trust? Trust would be easy and automatic and require little to no real faith.
Trust takes place when we can't see the bigger picture. We don't see how a situation will ever feel okay. We decide prematurely that God isn't going to show up in big ways before we even give Him a chance to show us His plans. It is so easy for me to get angry with God about a situation, then look back awhile later and feel silly for the doubt.
Leaning on God's understanding rather than our own is an act of discipline and of choosing to trust Him when things feel impossibly heavy. It's also learning to trust God when He does say no- because somehow, in some way, it's going to be for the best- even if the reasoning in invisible to us in the moment.
If I look at my life, it is so different than what I thought it was going to look like a year ago. This change in what I was planning has brought fear, grief, worry, and loneliness at points. While these emotions are real and true, it does not change the fact of the beauty that has also entered my life. Loss of relationships have made room for growth in other relationships. Realizing God said no to some things have brought increased incredible opportunities I never would have expected. Changing my mindset from feeling as if I'm in a season of waiting to looking at what is in front of me has taught me increased independence and self worth. Some areas of life still seem heavy and full of tragedy, but God is a big God- He can take our questions, doubt, and anger- but He does call us to chose to trust through all the hardship.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26
My goal for my personal prayer life is to pray for things that are uncomfortable and hard. Sometimes that looks like praying for God to change a situation, and other times it's for Him to help my heart accept a situation. Either way, I'm also attempting to find daily joys, whether they feel big or small. Recognizing these daily can show the ways that God continues to show up even when it doesn't look how we expected.
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