Lessons

New Year's is always a time of reflection.  The wins, the losses, sweet memories, and the not so great parts of the year usually start to circle in my head as the year wraps up.  I'm hoping your year was filled with more joy than sorrow, but regardless, the holiday season while sweet, usually comes with some heartache as well for countless reasons.

This year I did a really long read through of Judges, and fittingly finished it this morning.  Judges was not a book I had ever thought about spending much time in, but doing a deep dive into it this year has honestly been really fitting.

To be honest, this year felt like it was filled with lots of lessons.  More specifically, sometimes I feel like I have to learn the same lesson over and over again.  A lot of times I look at this as a sign of failure for myself, like "God I am trying, why do I have to go through this again?".  It can feel frustrating feeling like even when I am trying to give things over to God, the outcome ends up feeling like "just another lesson".  Honestly sometimes feels like God is sighing, saying "Here we go again" and reteaching me.

One thing I realized as I finished up Judges is that God gets it.  He expects it even.  Yes, I make mistakes and repeatedly get stuck in the same cycle of not feeling content, battling confidence/self worth,  and doubting God's plan.  This isn't new to God, I think it's one of the reasons He gave us the book of Judges.  His own people repeatedly turned to their own desires and chose the world over the Lord.  They always fell back on God, but continued to have to re-learn the same lessons.  The very last verse of Judges states "all the people did what was right in their own eyes".  They couldn't even get it together by the end of the book.  But you know what? That did not make them any less of God's chosen people or lose one ounce of God's love.  Instead of giving up on them, God continued to draw them closer each time, and eventually used them (and a stream of their bad choices) to the birth of Christ.

No matter how many times you feel like you are stuck in the same cycle, it doesn't change God's love or plan for you.  This can be a cycle of sin, cycle of heartache, cycle of doubt.  Regardless, God not only won't abandon you, but used His Word to provide something to turn to when we feel like we can't get out.

I've been trying to breakdown the feeling of "learning the same lesson" over and over to see if that's truly what's happening.  Maybe situations and pain can feel similar, but if you look closely at your year, I'm sure you can find some different aspects to what God has been teaching you, and some growth you've experienced along the way.

Here are a couple areas where I've grown (and still growing in):

CONFIDENCE

The biggest thing I've learned this year is that I can chose myself and Christ over people and situations that are harmful.  I want to constantly be kind and steady, but having confidence in myself through Christ means that I know who I am and I'll be okay even if I have to let go of things that are hurting me. Proverbs 18 gives advice on community and relationships.  It ends by stating "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother".  This is absolutely not saying to give up on friendships, but I think there is a confidence that can come from realizing that you don't have to hold on to painful relationships out of the need for comfort.  Letting go is hard, but realizing God wants us to pursue healthy, Christ-filled relationships is comforting.

Going into 2023, I want to continue growing in this area by remaining confident and steady as a friend to all around me, while also being prayerful and pursuing friendships that help me grow rather than lead me farther from the Lord. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

JOY

I've written about this before, but 2022 has been a year of re-discovering joy through Christ.  It's been a year of some dark times and some pain, but it's also been a year of remembering despite it all, joy is not only a daily choice, but a daily gift.  No matter how lonely life feels some days, the One who loves us more than we can comprehend died so we can have the promise of forever with Him.  Even on what feels like our darkest and saddest days, we can chose that spark of Joy and knowledge that He is good.  I can get caught up in wanting to know the plan for my life here on earth.  I want the details and I want it to work out with a happy ending.  When it gets hard, it's easy to let that take over my emotions. For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21.  Even if my life doesn't look how I may want it to, it doesn't change the fact that the Lord's plan is not only for our benefit on earth, but it also included Him giving His life for our benefit eternally.  His plan is so much bigger than what I worry about.

I pray to continue my growth in this area in 2023.  At one point, I would get angry at God each time I got hurt.  It would make me want to run away from Him instead of drawing closer, but each time I would realize His consistency and goodness.  I've been attempting to turn to Him instead of away from Him in trials, and it's made a tremendous difference.  Life can still be sad, but turning to Him offers so much hope.  I want to continue turning to Him more quickly and consistently. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

While lessons aren't the most fun to walk through, I'm thankful to be loved by a Lord that cares enough to keep teaching them.